Who has been the leader in your life? Have you always held the reins, never yielding to allow another to take the lead?
As a single mom for 17 years, it has been up to me to keep things together and I am not going to make it appear all rosy. It was a really difficult, though a rewarding role, trying to control and navigate life for myself and my children. Now with my youngest son just finished his second year of college, I am ready to let someone else take the lead. At least for some of my life.
I have been taking ballroom dance lessons for 3 months at the time of this writing, this is were the insight was born. For many years I have resisted allowing anyone to be a leader in my life, in fear that something would go wrong. Ballroom dancing is teaching me by following even if it is wrong, might not be all that bad! I am having a "Ball", sorry for the pun.
I would have never taken ballroom dancing or any kind of formal dance lessons if it weren't for my best friend wanting to be able to dance with my son, who is on the ballroom dance team at college, at her daughters up and coming wedding. She has a difficult time seeing at night when she is able to go to class, that got me to take lessons. I have always resisted any type of "organized dance" even line dancing. Now I realize control is the reason. I was afraid of not being in control, afraid of making mistakes. What I am finding is it is ok to make mistakes and to just go with the flow, following your dance partner lead. Even if it is wrong! In ballroom if you follow the lead, you can make even mistakes look seamless.
Is there such a thing as doing things right? Or making mistakes? Who is the one who has the authority to say?
We all have to make choices in our lives, that is just part of being human. How and why we make those choices is important. Even more important is how we respond after those choices have been made.
Have you been living half a life? Afraid of making the wrong choice? Walking the path of what you think is surety and safety? Or have you walked the path of danger and living on the edge? I myself have been on both paths, though not consciously until now. Thinking I was in control. My oldest son during his teenage years, clearly proved my theory to be wrong. He was a great teacher for me, both my children have been.
The "status quo" of raising my children the way I was raised was challenged and thank goodness changed, though I am afraid not before the relationship with my oldest son was destroyed. I thought I was doing "things" right. Parenting the way I was Parented, which just didn't work with him, but it was what I knew. It wasn't until I took a parenting class that my knowing changed! That was the best thing I could have ever done! I began to realize I wasn't in control of my son's life, it was just for me to try to guide him.
So, as I write this I am thinking about dancing last Saturday night with my new partner for the first time(whom I didn't know could dance). He surprised me! At first I resisted, than I said to myself and him, you guide me and I will follow your lead....it was a lot of fun!
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